I almost lose my mind

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justice of the peace

It was time.

I looked over at Becky, she smiled as I grabbed her hand, and we walked over to the room where the wedding ceremony would be performed.

My parents, sister her son and my grandma followed with their cameras ready to witness the moment.

As we stood in the room, I looked over at my family and was blown away by their love and support, I wouldn’t have been able to follow through and stand firm on my commitment to marry Becky without the support of my family.

I looked over at Becky and melted in her beautiful brown eyes and imagined what it would be like later that night when we could finally share our passion a husband and wife.

“Are you ready?” The justice of the peace inquired.

“Yes,” we said in unison.

As we faced each other delivering our vows and promises to each other, life seemed perfect.

I felt harmoniously content at that moment. I had found the woman I loved and was going to face the future with my soul-mate by my side.

Before I knew it, the ceremony was over and the justice of the peace said, “You may kiss the bride.”

Becky and I smiled right before we shared the longest kiss that we had ever had with each other.

No more looking over our shoulders.

No more hiding our relationship in fear that her father would find out and break us up.

It was real. We were married and it finally seemed like our relationship was meant to be. My parents were thrilled and took a whole lot of pictures. Becky and I hugged everyone in my family and we went out to celebrate. My parents didn’t want us to leave us right away and decided that they wanted to take us out to breakfast at the nearest Denny’s that was right up the street.

We got in my car and followed my parents to Denny’s for breakfast.

I kept replaying the wedding ceremony in my mind and I felt like shouting gleefully from the top of a mountain top because it was the best day of my life. I was so excited that I wanted the honeymoon to start immediately but didn’t get the same impression from Becky. She looked like she had just attended her parent’s funeral. She wasn’t saying a word.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” I asked.

She looked at me and burst into tears.

“What is it?” I asked.

She wouldn’t tell me what was going on.

“Aren’t you happy?” I asked.

“Yes,” She replied.

“Then what’s wrong?” I asked.

“My parents. I was just thinking about them again.”

“This is not how I imagined my wedding day to be, I always thought that they would be there by my side.:

“Becky, I love you. And I swear that I will do whatever it takes to fix my relationship with your father and get him to accept our relationship.” I vowed.

“Once I fix my relationship with your parents they will have to accept us as husband and wife. Then we can get married again in a church ceremony like you always wanted.”

“Isn’t that what you want? Because I swear that I will do everything in my power to make that happen.”

“Yes that’s what I really want,” She said.

“Then once our honeymoon is over, I will work hard to make that happen. But today let’s just focus on what just happened ok?”

I grabbed her hand and held both of out hands up to let the sun reflect off of our wedding bands.

“Becky, were married!” I said with excitement.

“Something that we thought would never happen a few weeks ago did happen, and there’s nothing anyone can do to take that away from us!”

She smiled, leaned over, grabbed me, and started to kiss me like we did before her father had broken us up.

“Are you lovebirds coming?” My Dad asked as he walked passed my car with the family as they walked into the restaurant.

“Be right there, Dad,” I said smiling, as everyone walked passed us, talking excitedly about the ceremony and what we had just gone through.

Being able to hold Becky felt wonderful after having been away from her for so long. We finally went inside and had a big breakfast with the family, talking excitedly with my parents, sister and Grandma about the future, what our plans were and of course, the honeymoon.

Breakfast was over before I knew it and as walked out of the restaurant; my dad pulled me aside, looked me in the eyes, and said. “I’m proud of you son. You stood up like a man, kept your word and now you two are finally married. Congratulations!” He said as he bear-hugged me.

I told my dad that I loved him and couldn’t thank him or my Mom enough for their love and support during the last year.

As I walked away, my dad handed me an envelope and said, “Here, you’re going to need this.”

I looked inside and saw hundred dollar bills.

“It’s for the honeymoon,” he stated.

After Becky and I hugged and kissed everyone again, we waved goodbye to everyone and they got into my parent’s car and drove away.

I looked over at Becky and said, “Are you ready?”

She smiled, and we ran for my car to hit the road for our honeymoon which was only 15 miles up the highway in a little town called Cardiff by the Sea.

Driving up the highway to our hotel, we talked actively about the night-to-come when we could consummate our relationship. She told me that she had bought something special for the big night, which only increased my sexual expectations.

I knew that before her father broke us up, she had been avidly reading sex books that she picked up from the public library, so that she would be prepared for our wedding night. Her parents never knew what she was reading, and every time they passed her room all they saw was her knitting a new blanket for one of her siblings or writing a letter when she was secretly preparing herself for our night we had looked forward to for so many months.

We finally got to the hotel and checked into our room.

Once we were inside, I closed the door and led her over the bed.

I didn’t want to wait for nightfall and I playfully pushed her on the bed and began to take off her clothes when she started saying, “wait, wait, wait.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“We need to call my parents,” she said.

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“Why now?” I asked.

“Because it’s the right thing to do and I just want to get it over with,” she said.

With hesitation, I agreed and told her to hand me the phone.

I should have ripped the phone line out of the wall, threw the phone in the trashcan and made love with her right there but I wanted to do the right thing, the honorable thing and try to settle the problem with her parents.

She dialed the number, it rang, and then the unmistakable gruff voice of her mother answered.

“Hello?” Said the gruff voice on the other end of the line.

“It’s Jeremy, can I speak with Fred?”

“Where’s Becky? What have you done with her?” She asked this like I had kidnapped and murdered her daughter.

“Becky and I just got married,” I said.

“You what?” She screamed.

The phone slammed down and Fred picked up the line.

“Hi Fred, it’s Jeremy. We need to talk.” I said.

“I will only talk to Becky,” He replied.

“Fred, talk to me, it’s time that we work out our differences and talk about what happened, because Becky and I are married now.” I said.

“Listen to me you punk. Get my daughter on the line right now.” He said.

I looked over at Becky, rolled my eyes and said, “He wants to talk to you.”

Becky grabbed the phone from my hand and with a childish voice said, “Daddy?”

For the next few minutes, she sat there listening to her father shouting from the other end of the line. I tried to grab the phone out of her hand, but she turned away.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Becky kept saying as the looming voice continued verbally attacking her.

I kept hearing the words, “evil,” “wicked,” “abomination” and I knew that Fred was only talking about me. All my life I tried to do good to my fellow man and be a good person and Fred was putting me in the same category of criminals and murders.

I motioned to Becky to hang up the phone, but she wouldn’t do it, it seemed like she was shell shocked as she sat there and continued to take the verbal abuse until I finally grabbed the phone from her hand and hung it up for her. She started sobbing harder than I had ever seen her cry before. I held her close and tried to comfort her.

“Becky, it’s going to be okay. We have to give them time and eventually they will accept us together.” I said.

Becky kept shaking her head no and she finally said, “I have to go back.”

“What??” I exclaimed.

“We shouldn’t have gotten married. We made a mistake and should have never continued our relationship. They were right and we were wrong.” She said.

I felt like I had gotten hit by a semi truck, the familiar feelings of pain, that I has known to well after Fred first broke us up suddenly came rushing back. This was supposed to be a happy day!

We were finally married and she was ready to back out after a few hours? After everything we had gone through to finally come together, she was backing out now? The ink wasn’t even dry on our marriage certificate and it was already over?

For the next few minutes, I tried everything I could, pleading with her and stating my case as to why we should stay together. But what I was saying wasn’t working.

She kept shaking her head saying, “No, no, no.”

I got up and paced the room, looking for a mini-bar because I really needed a drink but I found nothing.

“Becky, I kept my word, followed through on my promise to marry you and went the extra mile to bring us together, and now you’re getting cold feet?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” She kept pleading.

I should have thrown her on the bed like in the movies, ripped her clothes off her and said, “Well, it’s too late to back out now!” But instead, I kept trying to get through to her. She wasn’t listening.

 “I need some time to think,” She said.

“What’s to think about?” I replied.

“I need some time to think, alone.” She said.

I got up from the chair, grabbed my coat, and said, “I don’t know what to say,

“I’m going for a walk and when I get back, your mind better be made up, because I can’t take this any longer,” I said.

I slammed the door shut on my way out, leaving her inside.

I didn’t get in my car and drive away. Instead, I started to walk to the beach, hoping that by the time I got back, she would be all-right. And we could be happy again.

I felt weak; like I was walking around in a bad dream, unable to wake up. Why was she doing this to me?

“Fred has brainwashed Becky and her entire family. Are you sure that you really want to marry her? Because you wont know how messed up mentally she is until you’re living with her.” My dad’s words kept replaying in my mind.

I didn’t want to admit it to myself that she was brainwashed, until that moment, I didn’t realize how brain washed she was.

I couldn’t get her to listen, I desperately tried to get her to see things rationally and realize that she didn’t have to go back to her father and take the mental and verbal abuse that awaited her, but she didn’t see it.

I kept walking, trying to think of things to say that would make her see the truth and stop thinking that she had to go back to her father but I was overwhelmed, exhausted and my mind needed a break.

Once I finally got to the beach, I sat next to a lifeguard tower and tried to come up with a plan for how I would handle the situation if she did try to leave me.

I didn’t know what to do, this wasn’t how it was supposed to be, we weren’t supposed to be going through this on our wedding day, and we were supposed to be happy.

I looked at my watch, realized that almost an hour had passed by, and decided to walk back to the hotel. I started my walk back, stopping at a flower shop to buy her a bouquet of roses, thinking it might cheer her up. Once I got back to the hotel, I realized that something was wrong when I saw her putting her bags into a yellow cab parked in front of our room. I ran over to the cab and tried to pull her back into the room.

“Becky, don’t go!”

“I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything?” I desperately asked.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she kept saying behind her tears.

“Poppa said that if I come back now, they would act the marriage, never happened.”

I was flabbergasted.

“But what about us? What about our marriage? Don’t you care about that?” I exclaimed.

Taxi Cabs

The cab driver sat in the front seat of his car, reading his newspaper, acting like he couldn’t hear a word.

“Please, Becky, don’t do this! Don’t ruin our marriage. Don’t let your father ruin our happiness!” I pleaded.

“You don’t understand, if we leave and try to start a life together he will find us, it’s never going to work. I’m so sorry, Jeremy,” she said.

I didn’t know what to do, or say, other than cry.

“I’m so sorry,” She sobbed.

“Why did you lead me along like this?” I asked.

“Has Daddy prevented you from having relationships with other guys? Becky, I don’t understand the power that your father has over you!” I said.

“Don’t say that!” She burst.

At long last I realized that even the best psychologist couldn’t get through to her. Our relationship, and marriage, was over before it even began.

I let her hand go and said, “Go”.

“I’ll always love you,” she said as she got into the car.

“Becky, you don’t know what love is, I never want to see you again.” I said.

I returned to the hotel room and slammed the door.

I heard the cab drive off with Becky in it and I didn’t know what I was going to do. I looked around the room and saw our wedding bouquet of flowers on the nightstand and threw it to the floor. What was I going to do?

My family had gone for a drive to the mountains after the marriage ceremony, so I couldn’t call them. I was miles away from home. I didn’t know anyone in the area. For the first time in my life I felt like killing myself. I was sad, depressed and angry. I was tired of the struggle, tired of the pain, upset that she dragged me through the gutter and I just wanted it to end. I grabbed my suitcase and headed out to my car.

I looked down the street for the nearest bar and couldn’t see anything for miles but shabby little motels, dinners, shops and sandy white beach.

So I got into my car and headed for the freeway and thought, “I can drive my car into oncoming traffic or off a bridge and nobody would care.”

“My marriage is over,” I kept saying over and over again in my head.

She ripped my heart out and I wanted the pain to stop.”

As I stepped on the gas pedal I thought of my family and the life I had before I met Becky and knew I needed to get home.

I continued to drive, reliving the day’s events and the depression kept pounding back into my head, “It’s over; I can’t believe that it’s really over.”

If I hadn’t had a home to go back to or a family that day, I would be dead today. I would have driven my car off of a bridge because she wholly destroyed me, leaving wounds that would take years to heal. Going home saved my life.

I didn’t know how I got there that day or how fast I drove on the freeway because the pain was too heavy to bear. Once I made it home, I staggered up to my house. I felt like I had just drunk 12 beers. The world seemed incomprehensively upside down to me. Life wasn’t supposed to be like this. I had just married the woman I loved a few hours ago and before we had time to consummate the relationship we were already separated. She was at her home getting interrogated by her parents while I was at my home wallowing in my misery.

I called my old friend Robin, and after I told him the entire story, he sympathized with me and said that he tried to tell me from the beginning that my relationship wouldn’t work out. But I wouldn’t listen to him.

I apologized and as we said our goodbyes to my friend and when my family finally got home they were shocked to see me sitting on the couch, still in the suit I was wearing a few hours before.

“What happened? Where’s Becky?” They asked.

I spent the next few minutes retelling my story as they sat there, with shocked looks on their faces.

“Fred must have some evil kind of control on his daughter,” dad said.

“I never thought he would still have that kind of control over her once you two were married, that S.O.B doesn’t have a heart.” mom said.

“I hope he gets what’s coming to him,” grandma said.

“Even though it hurts right now, honey, don’t give up on love. You weren’t meant to be with Becky, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t find someone again more apt to share your life with,” mom said.

I couldn’t think or talk. I just sat there, stunned, shocked, and sad. I wanted to cry but couldn’t let the emotions out yet when finally they came and my family comforted me.

That night after a few beers and some phone calls from friend’s who had heard what happened, I eagerly headed to bed, to try and forget.

In bed I thought about what would happen on Monday, “Work 8 a.m. and later I would go to the courthouse 11 a.m. to get an annulment. It’s finished She’s gone and it’s time to move on.” I said

In a few days, her family would move to Oregon, and I would never see her again. Or so I thought.

Click here to read the next chapter!

 

One response »

  1. Pingback: The wedding day | Original Contemporary Artwork

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