Becky’s parents kept pushing the wedding date back because of the uncertainty of their situation until they finally, agreed that we could get married in October 2000.
I was nervous and excited at the same time because the day that we had talked about for so long was finally very close and we would soon be able to share our love for each other as husband and wife.
During out engagement, I could be with Becky physically and intimately but we couldn’t go public with our passion for each other until we were husband and wife.
We already felt like we were married because we spent so much time together every night and it pained me to leave her and go home to separate lives, and separate beds.
The marriage plans began to pick up pace. We decided to get married at her parent’s home because it wouldn’t cost anything and seemed the most natural thing to do.
In my personal life, I found a job with a website design company and was barely making enough money to save and my car was old and always needed repairs but I didn’t care because I thought that once we were together we could overcome any problems.
My parents were set on stopping me from screwing up my life by marrying Becky and always voiced their concerns about Fred, and I always assured them that they didn’t need to worry and things would turn out fine, once we were married.
Becky’s parents disliked my parents and Becky decided to not send my parents a formal wedding invitation without my knowing. In spite of them not receiving a wedding invitation I told that they were invited, and had to come to the wedding and my parents decided that they would attend the wedding even though Fred and his wife felt the way that they did about them.
My parents have always been fighters. I hoped that once Becky and I could have the same kind of magic in our marriage that my parents have shared for over thirty years in their marriage.
As we approached October, Fred and his wife found a large hose up in Oregon whose owner would rent to them. So they planned to move there by the end of the year and leave the turmoil of California behind them.
I still couldn’t tell my family that Becky and I were moving with her family, because I didn’t know how to tell them and I couldn’t bear to bring them the heartbreak I knew it would bring. Inwardly I knew that if they found out, they would come up with new methods to stop me from marrying Becky and moving away with her family.
I hoped that once we were married I would have the courage to be assertive and tell Fred that we were staying in California to build our own life together, but the longer I spent under Fred’s influence I knew that I wouldn’t have the nerve to do it.
And then one Saturday, everything changed in my relationship with Becky. She called me and was crying. I told her to calm down and tell me what happened.
She told me that her parents had gone on a long walk together. When they got back, they took Becky aside and once again told her how they felt about my parents.
Fred said that my parents were evil sinners and they were vile people for not following him like herded sheep out of the church when he and his family left.
Worse yet, he told Becky that if she had a relationship with my parents after we were married, she would be dead to her own family.
I was furious.
I told Becky that we would have a relationship with my parents after we married and that I would never turn my back on them. I also told her that I was going to talk with Fred, that night about what he said and set him straight.
Becky kept crying and begged that I not talk with her father about what he said.
I was livid and told her that I wasn’t going to live my life as a “yes man,” anymore, doing everything that her father said without question.
She continued to beg that I keep the episode to myself, but I wasn’t about to ignore my principles and let Fred walk all over me any longer.
She kept crying and abruptly hung up the phone.
I was outraged, conflicted and ready to strangle Fred for what he said.
I didn’t tell my parents yet because I wanted to handle this myself, and I went over there ready to confront him; ready for a fight. Once I got to their house, Becky was outside and again urged me to back down but I wasn’t going to let what he said go away so easily.
I entered the house to her mothers greeting and the welcome of her father and siblings. The atmosphere appeared perfectly normal. He acted like everything was as it always was and that he didn’t say what he said earlier.
I was ready to confront him there, but Becky kept pulling me away.
“Becky, are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying?” Fred asked.
“I’m okay.” she falsely claimed as she led me into another room.
That night, I kept trying to get a moment alone with Fred to speak with him about what he said, but Becky kept holding me back. I couldn’t understand why she was doing this.
“People who have respect for each other are honest with each other and don’t say things behind other people’s backs,” I said.
I wasn’t going to let her father dominate me and take me in an unwanted direction.
Unfortunately, as quickly as the evening began, it was over. Becky had managed to keep me distracted from her father with her all encompassing kisses and physical distractions.
That night as I left her house I told her that the next day I was going to confront her father and talk with him about what he said.
Could she have misunderstood what her father said?
Was it all a mistake?
Would I have the guts to confront him?
Would we still be together after I faced him and told him how I really felt?